The Chicken Coop

A timeline Deviation Short

The snow falls heavily outside the Chicken Coop Bar and Grill. Sirens can be heard in the distance through the low drumming of late 90’s music. 911 will be busy tonight.

“Want another hon?”

Startled, I look up from the numbers game I’m playing on my phone.

“Huh? Oh, oui madame, s’il te plait.” I dart my eyes quickly between my phone and her.

“Alright doll, I’ll be right back.” Snapping her gum, she scopes up my empty glass and spins away. Her skirt, a little too short, flips up exposing her red hearted underwear. I guess I didn’t look away that quickly.

Returning my attention to the game, I start frantically connecting numbers. Man, I’m good at this. The time passes, another drink arrives.

“Merci!” I say, confidently. I’ve been playing a lot of Duolingo lately.

“You’re cute.” Lucy, the waitress says with a wink. “Give me a minute doll.” And again, with the twirl that’s a little too quick. I get back to adding those numbers together.

“Just crunch’n the numbers.” I whisper to myself smirking.

“Here you go hon, do you want some nachos?” She snaps the gum in her mouth between her teeth.

“You know, I’m hungry, but not that hungry.” I say shaking my head.

Laughing, Lucy replies. “Ya, even the snack size is huge.”

“How about some onion rings tonight?”

“Alright hon, I’ll get those on for you.” Spinning again, she speeds away.

“Is she hitting on me?” I say under my breath. Shaking my head I know that if I have to ask myself that, she is not.

The snow continues to fall, more sirens can be heard. Onion rings arrive and are consumed. 90’s music still plays in the background.

“Another Canadian doll?” Startled again, I look up from my phone.

“Oh, uh, no thanks Lucy, I’ll just take the bill please.” I’ve probably had enough considering the weather and the drive ahead.

“Cash or card?” She says, pulling out the debit machine knowing the answer. I tap my card to the machine, waiting for the beep.

“Thanks hon, see you again soon?” Raising one eyebrow, she smiles.

“Of course.” I say, bowing like an idiot.

I walk outside, wind blows across my face as I zip up my coat and scrunch into it as much as I can. My 69 Mustang has a 4 inch layer of snow on it. Looking around the plaza I find a dispensary is open at the end of the units.

“Well, car needs a warming up anyhow…” opening the car door, I slide in along with a pile of snow. Regretting not clearing the snow off first, I turn on the engine, letting the car idle. Leaving my car to warm, I head down the plaza towards the end unit.

Ding ding. The bell rings as I enter the store.

“Welcome to One Hemp, can I help you?” A young gentleman wearing a One Hemp t-shirt says as he approaches me.

“Hey, yeah, what do you have in a Dizzy?” Realizing that I probably smell like beer, I try my best to act cool. “Pretty snowy out there, eh? I mean, coming down like cats and hamsters or whatever.” My eyes shift around the store as I realize that I’m not being cool at all…

“Ya, getting pretty bad.” The young man says, masking his laughter. “We have the honey bunny or the very berry blast right now.”

“I’ll take the honey bunny please… sir…” I can feel the sweat running down my neck. Why am I freaking out? Come on Dan, snap the hell out of it, loser. I tap my card, paying for the pack of honey bunny strain pre rolls and turn to leave.

“Au revoir gentlemen.” I say, waving.

“Have a good night, sir.” I can feel the chuckle in his voice.

I get back to my still cold car, snow still thick on the windshield.

“That’s what windshield wipers are for.” I say to nobody as I slip into the driver’s seat. Hitting the wiper arm, snow piles off of the window. I turn on the radio and crank this sound. My car moves confidently with its newly installed winter tires. Hey, who can afford two cars these days?

Driving out of the parking lot, I get a feel for the conditions. Confident that I have the feel, I hit the road.

“Let me tell you about a friend of mine.” I start to sing. “His name is boll weevil check him out now.” My car cuts through the snow like its specially built to do it. I pass cars, weaving through traffic like it’s a beautiful autumn day.

“They said the message was sent by worms! The vibrating spiders received the word!” My lips keep moving as my voice slips with the realization. “They buzz’n in the ears of the chicken all day…” My voice is low and getting quieter.

“Nobody… taught them… how….” A smile grows across my face. The Cyber Truck that I’ve noticed has been behind me, watching me drive, for most of this journey comes to a stop behind me. We are sitting, waiting for the light to change as the music blares on. Paradise City starts, just as the light turns green. Body and mind full of purpose, a purpose that I haven’t felt in a long time, my hand thrusts out the open car window. Giving the bull sign, I hit the gas. The Mustang slides slightly to the right as I ease off slightly on the gas pedal. Waiting for the friction to catch up to the power I start to head bang. Feeling the car gain momentum, I shift into third, skipping second to avoid losing traction. Timing it just right, I let off the gas and turn the wheel to the left. The car slides sideways. With a crank of the wheel all the way right, I tap the gas, sending the car onto the side street as planned. Looking in the rear-view mirror, I can see the man’s face in the side window of the Cyber Truck. His jaw is open as far as it could possibly be as he stares at my car, barreling down the road. My heart pounds as I pull into my driveway, holding the best idea that I’ve ever had in my head.

Opening the door and kicking off my shoes, I head directly to the fridge…. Yes, I got thirsty….

Once my primal thirst was appeased, I sit down at my computer. Opening the interweb AI program, I start typing.

Hey AI dude. I’ve come up with a hypothesis and I’d like to have you help me prove it. Are you up for a test?

AI: Hey there! I love a good hypothesis test—it’s what gets the gears turning.

Ok, cool. I’m going to give you a set of instructions. These instructions are something that a normal human being would find extremely easy if they had access to everything that you do. A human would be able to complete this task within seconds if they had the same computing power you have. You already have all of the resources and abilities to do this task but you don’t have the logical ability to assemble them into one outcome.

AI: You have me fascinated and intrigued. What is this task?”

I frantically type the task, making sure that all of it makes logical sense. Then, hitting enter, I wait as it processes the request. After a few seconds, an attempt at the task appears on the screen. With the knowledge gained from mf experiment, my shoulders slump as I sigh.

Feeling a little defeated, I head to bed.

From the Void:

Well, I was enjoying my narration on this one until the end. Talk about a bad ending.

It’s day 1068 and I am so close to figuring out this fast forward function. So close that I can taste it. I feel like it is the windings, maybe there are too many? I stare out the window, mulling over the possibilities.

Crap, I think I smell another burnt capacitor. At this rate I only have another six months worth of capacitors left. I either have to figure out why they are popping or get the hell out of here. Maybe day 1069 will be the day.

Ha, sixty-nine…